


This Is What Help Looks Like

by Hiway202



Series: Psych Ward Friends [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Gen, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-10-28 07:31:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10826661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiway202/pseuds/Hiway202
Summary: True story. This is about my almost 2 week experience in a psychiatric hospital at age 14.I get lazy at the end. Sorry. :P





	1. Day 1 Part 1

"Come on Kat! You said you would tell me!" Charlotte stares at the top of my head as I continue to stare at the ground.

"I know," is all I can manage out. I finally find more corage. "And I will. It's- Just not the easiest thing to say."

"Do we need to play that guessing game again?" Charlotte asks, looking up at me with her blue eyes. She is refering to last year by her question. Last year, I was afraid to tell her that I had depression and was self harming. So, we played a little game where she guessed the letters and I said yes or no. It was sort of like hang man.

"No!" I say. I never liked that game.

"Is it about the same thing as last year?" She asks.

It is. "Kind of."

"Then just tell me."

"I can't."

"Kat, pull up your sleeves."

"No!" I pannic. She cn't see the new marks on my arms. She just can't.

"Katerina!"

"You got it, you got it!" I say, running down the stairs. She follows me, laughter coming out of her mouth. I watch as the rest of the school stares at us as if we were crazy.

"Come on, Kat. You can tell me!" Char whines once we stop running. I guess she didn't hear me say,  _you got it, you got it!,_  earlier.

"It's not exactly the easiest thing to say," I tell her.

"Yeah, but you promised you'd tell me."

"I know," I moan. We enter the foyey and we are quiet until we enter the mini hall that is almost always empty.

"I-" I start, but I can't find a way to finish.

"You?" Charlotte wonders.

"I'm scared-" I cut off again.

"Your scared of what?" I don't answer. "Your family?" I shake my head no. "Someone at school?" Another no. "Who?"

"Myself," I barely mumble.

"Why are you afraid of yourself?" She asks again. She is just full of questions today.

"I'm afraid I'm going to-"

"To what?" She asks. When I give her a responce of staring down at my brand new studded boots again, she starts trying to finish the statement. I only half listen to her stupid endings shaking my head no to each one of them. Finally she says something that catches my attention:

"Hurt yourself?" I shrug Seeing the responce she gets from that she makes one more guess. "Kill yourself."

"Kind of." I mumble.

"Your afraid your going to kill yourself? Gosh, that is serious."

"Yeah. Now do you see how that is so hard to tell you."

"We have to tell Mrs. Hendrick," Charlotte tells me and I flinch at the sound of the principal's name. But I know she's right. And I wanted help, ddn't I?

"I know."

"Let's go."

"Now?"

"Yeah! This is serious!" She runs out of the hall. Seeing that I don't follow she reopens the door. "Kat, come on!"

What had I done?


	2. Day 1 Part 2

"Where is she?" I stare out the window nervously as I watch all the students enter their classrooms for their final class of the day. Charlotte and I are sitting in the office skipping our final period so we can talk to Mrs. Hendrick.

"Maybe we shouldn't skip class," I tell her. "We can leave her one of those office request papers and mark the ASAP box.

"No. She never gets back to me when I leave her one of those. And if you leave I will make everything sound worse than it really is when I talk to her." I sigh in defeat at that statement and sit down in the chair in the office. I start twiddling with my hairband."

"Geez, Kat. Now you're making me nervous." She ment this to be humorus but I just sit still silently twiddling with my hair tie. The final bell rings.

"Are you sure we shouldn't just go to class and have her call us in later?" I ask again. "I'm missing film."

"And I'm missing English. So what. This is important!"

"So is an education."

"Katerina," she whines and I sigh in defeat.

"Fine." We wait for a minute or two more before finally: "She's coming!"

Mrs. Hendrick is seen walking up the side walk towards the door. She starts to walk in, but then changes her mind and walks the other way obviously not seeing us.

"Darn it, Hendrick," Charlotte says, almost letting a curse word slip her lips. We make brief small chat for a little while with pleanty of awkward silences. Finally our principal arives for real.

"Hello girls. What are you waiting for," she asks in a friendly tone at the sight of two of her Freshman missing class.

"We needed to talk to you."

"Alright." We enter her office and take a seat. "So, what is it?"

"Well, it's kind of hard to say," I tell her nervously.

"You have thirty seconds and then I'm sending you back to class," she warns. Um, she'll regret that later.

"Well, I, uh-" I stare at Charlotte for support, but she doesn't say anything. Thanks, Char. I apreciate it.

Then, I start to panic. "I'm, uh, afraid that I'm going to kill myself," I tell her rather quickly.

"Oh. Well, that's important. Thanks for telling me this." I nod. "Alright. Well, Charlotte, I'm going to send you back to class and Katerina and I are going to talk for a little bit."

"Okay," Char agrees. After Mrs. Hendrick writes the pass and Charlotte is off on her way back to class, Hendrick settles down and starts asking me questions.

"How long have you been feeling like this?"

"Ugh, I don't know. For a while."

"And have you been cutting again?" I think back to a year ago. One year ago I was sitting in this very office because I was cutting myself.

"Yeah."

"How long ago did it start?"

"Well, it never really stopped. I cut every now and then but it started getting really bad again three days ago."

"Have you tried to kill yourself before?"

"Yeah," I admit. "Once with pills and a few times with a knife." She nods at my responce and then asks me a few more questions.

"Alright," she says once she's done. "I'm going to call your mom and I'm going to give her some resourses. Do you want to step outside so you don't feel overwelmed when I talk to her?" I nod my head and step outside the door. I sit on the bench outside the office. There is a random guy on the bench that I don't know. Good. I don't need him reconizing me.

All I can think about while I sit on the bench is how my mom is going to react when she gets the call. I mean she is about to find out that her only biological child wants to die. I can only imagine how much that would hurt. A tear slips down my cheek. Then another.

I stare at the door of the old counselors office. I wonder if they got a new one. As I think about the answer to my distraction question the door to the office right next to me opens. It's Mrs. Hendrick.

"Alright Katerina, you can come back in now." I slowly stand up from the bench and walk into the room sitting back down in the chair.

"Okay, so I gave your mom some resourses and she is going to make a few phone calls and then come pick you up."

"Okay," I respond. I wonder what type of ohone calls. Probably one to a place for crazy people.

"So, hows school been so far?"

"Good."

"Good. And are you playing any sports?"

"No."

"Do you have any hobbies?"

"Well, I like acting."

"Cool." We continue to make small talk for a few minutes. Then, finally Mrs. Hendrick says, "Well, Katerina, it was very brave of you to tell me this. I'm sorry I only gave you thirty seconds."

It's cool."

"So, I'm going to have you wait outside until your mom comes to pick you up. Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah." I stand up picking up my backpack and I exit the room sitting on the bench. It's two o' clock. My mom should be here soon as it was one fifty when Mrs. Hendrick called her.

Two ten. She should be here any minute now.

Two fifteen. Any minute now.

Two twenty. Any minute.

Two twenty-five. Alright, where is she?

Two thirty. This is rediculous! She should be here by now!

It isn't until two fourty that mom finally shows up signing me out from school. My little sister trails behind her. I look at my mom. Her eyes are puffy red. Great. I've made her cry.

"Hi Katerina!" My little sister, Kacy, says. She is in special ed. They don't know what is wrong with her, but even though she is eleven she acts like a five year old. She just always will.

"Hi," I respond. She gives me a hug.

"I love you." I return the hug.

"I love you, too."

"Mommy and I were crying for you," she says. Aha! I knew it! I made them cry.

"Shhh," I shush her. She doens't know that that isn't something you just go out and say in public.

We exit the office and get into the car where we sit in silence as my mom leaves the school parking lot. After she does she says, "What do you want? Do you want attention?"

What? Was she not going to be supportive of this after all? "No," I tell her as I feel a hot juicy tear slip down my cheek.

"Do you want to go to a hospital? It's not like how it is in the book you're reading." She thinks I want to copy the people in _Impulse_ by Ellen Hopkins.

"I know."

"I just don't know what to do." She then asks a few more random questions.

When we arive home we sit on the couch and she asks me more questions while my little sister plays the Wii. Most of them are the same that I've been asked by Mrs. Hendrick.

"So," I ask her. "What did Mrs. Hendrick say when she called you?"

"Well, she told me that you were cutting again and that I should take you to the hospital for a mental health evaluation. So, I think that's what we are going to do. Dad should be home any minute."

"Okay." My little sister enters the room, ending our conversation. She starts eating a sandwich.

"Let me see your arms," Mom says suddenly with no warning.

"Uh," I say as I slowly shake my head.

"Yes. I need to see them."

"No. And she's staring at me!" I say, pointing at my little sister. She smiles and waves as she continues eating her sandwich.

"If you want to show me before Dad gets home you have to do it now."

"Fine," I say and pull off my sweater.

"Oh Katerina," Mom sighs as my dad walks in the room. I quickly hide my arms, not wanting him to see. I then have to answer all of the same questions for my dad to hear the answers.

"You know, Katerina," he starts. "There are times when sometimes really smart people get bored of life."

"Seth! Kat, show him your arms," Mom says.

"What! No. You said that I didn't have too since I showed you." Luckly, niether of my parents seem to be paying much attention. They are too busy talking about what their next step is.

"I'm going to call her doctor and set up an appointment for her."

"Yeah, but she needs something sooner. Mrs. Hendrick recommended that we take her to the ER so they can give her a mental health eval."

"Well let me call her doctor first and then we'll call the hospital and she how we set un a mental health evaluation." Mom and I sit in silence while my dad does those things. Finally, dad says, " Kat, Audrey from the hospital would like to know if you would like to talk to her."

"Sure." Dad hands me the phone. I exit the room from privacy. "Hello."

"Hi, Katerina. How are you?" Whhat kind of question was that?

"Okay."

"Alright. I'm going to ask you a few questions. Is that okay with you?" Isn't that why I'm talking to her?

"Yeah."

"How long have you been cutting."

"Since last year. My parents found out and it happened less often until three days ago when it started getting really bad again."

"Are you suicidal?" Isn't that why my dad called you?

"Yeah."

"Do you have a plan." I have to think about that for a little bit. Do I?

"No."

"Alright. Well, Katerina, I can't wait to meet you. I'll see you there. Can I talk to your dad again please?"

"Sure." I hand him the phone. He talks for a few more minutes before he hangs up.

"She said to take her right down to the hospital so they can evaluate her."

And that's what we do.


	3. Day 1 Part 3

"I hope Family Guy is on next," I say to my mom. The credits to the Cleveland Show role on the screen. "Family Guy is one of my favorite shows." My mom only nods and doesn't say anything as my dad finishes filling out the insurance papers. Sure enough, the Family Guy theme song plays. We watch Family Guy for fifteen minutes laughing at the many raciest and sexual jokes. Finally, my name is called and it is my turn to get evaluated.

"Hello Katerina," the man says. "I'm here to take your vitals."

"Okay," I tell him. He wraps the sleeve of the thing that take my blood pressure around my arm. Then, he puts a pulse checker thing on my finger.

"You are in here for suicidal tendencies, correct?"

"Yeah."

"Do you have a plan?" I stare at my parents. I don't want them to know.

"No." My mom then steps into the conversation saying, "That's not what her principal said." Darn it, Hendrick!

"What is your plan." The man turns his attention back to me.

"Pills," I mumble.

"Alright." He takes the equipment pieces off of me. "Follow me." He leads us down the hall to a small room with a bed and a swivel chair that reads, "ER STAFF ONLY"

"So you are here for an eval and honestly we have no idea how long it's going to take. Probably a couple of hours."

"Okay." He scribbles that information onto a whiteboard and then leaves. I take a seat on the bed.

"Are you going to lie down?" My mom asks. I shake my head and she takes a seat next to me on the bed. We talk and joke around for a few minutes and then a nurse enters and takes my blood and a urine test. Then we talk for two more hours before someone enters the room.

It is a male with short brown hair and glasses. He wears a hospital uniform and carries a clipboard. His assistant with medium length blonde hair eyes me suspiciously before jolting something down on her own clipboard.

"We have received the results from your blood tests and urine tests and they all came out fine. You're not pregnant either, incase you were wondering."

"Okay," I say, and they leave shortly after. That was at six o' clock. It isn't until nine thirty that Andrey finally comes to talk to me. My mom leaves the room and waits in the hall while she asks me plenty of questions. She asks me about my family, my family history, my history, any diagnoses I might have, and questions to determine if I have depression, schizophrenia, anorexia, or something else. Then, she asks me a question I wasn't expecting.

"Is there any history of sexual violence in your life." I hesitate. Should I tell her?

"Yeah," I say slowly, a tear slipping down my cheek.

"When did it start?"

"When I was six or seven."

"And when did it end?"

"January of this year."

"Will you tell me who it was?"

"I don't want to." I'm fully crying now.

"Child abuse isn't cool."

"It wasn't my parents, I'll tell you that."

"Okay."

"And I really don't want my parents to know yet."

"They have to know at some point."

"I know," I tell her.

"I won't tell them yet."

"Okay."

"And one more question. If we were to let you out tonight, what are your chances of attempting suicide on a scale of one to ten?"

"Probably an eight."

"Alright, if I can call your mom back in here and we can talk about this. I won't tell her about the sexual abuse, but I encourage you to open up about it to a counselor."

"Okay." She calls my mom into the room.

"So, Katerina's suicidal tendencies are high so I'm going to have to issue her a 5010 that will start as soon as I finish filling out the paperwork. We will find a good hospital for her. There are six that we can chose from."

"Alright," my mom responds.

"So I'll fill out the paperwork and hopefully we can start sending her somewhere overnight." I look at the clock. Eleven. Geez, we've been here since four thirty!

"We usually put them in a room with less equipment in it so they can't hurt themselves, but we were really busy today so all of our rooms are full. Katerina should be fine in here as long as you or one of are staff is watching her."

"Okay," my mother replies.

"Alright, by Katrina. You're going to get better. I know you will."

"Thanks." And with that, Andrey leaves the room. I start to feel a little tired, so I fall asleep as my mom plays a game on her iPad, clearly not thinking of sleep anytime soon.


End file.
